Review: Canada's Drag Race, S1 E7 Miss Loose Jaw

Each week Toronto based comedian Chris Middleton will review the latest episode of Canada’s Drag Race. The Canadian version of the worldwide phenomenon RuPaul’s Drag Race premiered July 2 on Crave. The main judges and mentors are Stacey McKenzie, Brooke Lynn Hytes, and Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman.

From the infighting to the awkward talents, this episode was a real pageant in all the wrong ways. Brooke cursed this episode by announcing it was the first pageant in Drag Race Herstory, fully ignoring the first episode of Season Nine. Somewhere in WeHo, Lady Gaga is hexing this episode chanting in the style of Paris is Burning: “one… one… one note performances across the board!”

No mini challenge this week, so I’ll just get into this Little Miss Loose Jaw Pageant maxi challenge, and skip over Brooke reminding everyone she’s been on Drag Race.

Jeffrey playing the campy pageant host serves as further proof that this man’s faceless Jack’d profile is masc4masc. Seriously, guest judge Stefan Brogren gave us more energy than Jeffrey ever has. Traci Melchor better be billing this show for her arthritis from all those SQUIRREL HANDS. And Michelle DuBarry was over this gig the second she sat down.

For the maxi challenge pageant, the queens were assigned pageant “personalities” by Rita Baga, and I use that term as loosely as those jaws.

Rita chose Miss Match’d for herself, and mismatched she was! She’s been such a skilled actor this entire competition, but not even her positive outlook could’ve found a silver lining for her performance.

Ilona’s Miss Erable was too perfect of a fit for her. Her angry energy pushed past funny into the uncomfortable. You would’ve thought this was Miss Fits with all the tantrums. 

Speaking of, am I crazy for thinking Lemon would’ve done this Southern Pageant character regardless of her assigned character? She got a little edgy at one point, but she didn’t embrace the directive. 

Priyanka’s Miss Demeanour . . . was more a Miss Take. She’s been performing for children too long, she doesn’t know how to reign it in for the adults. Baby girl’s getting put up for adoption with this one.

Scarlett as Miss Informed made some informed choices. Again, didn’t really play into the personality given; but as someone who studied percussion professionally, her bongo playing SLAPPED.

Jimbo’s performance as Miss Behavin’ was the saving grace of this whole pageant. It’s clear that this one has clown training, because she fully gave us the horny energy we’re all exuding in quarantine.

I love a gown-heavy Runway, but this Pageant Perfection was more Pageant Fine-ness. Ilona’s diamonds shone too bright and the styling was off. Lemon’s interpretation of the runway was original (and the judges loved it), but the tiara toddler was tired. Rita’s hair might be dry, but this gown made me wet. Priyanka’s Bollywood bliss bounced so out of bounds, she should’ve stolen jewels from Ilona to finish this look. Jimbo’s crystal tears of a clown look was . . . sad. Scarlett had the runway this week, and no Dalmatians were harmed in the making of this dress.

I feel bad for Scarlett. She’s been on top this entire competition and proven herself to be a fierce competitor. Lemon’s win was as out of place as Allie X is in this dimension and not the final boss in Castlevania.

The bottom two were Ilona and Priyanka, and as an Ilona stan, I agree it was her time. Priyanka’s too strong of a competitor to leave, and you know, Priyanka did a split.

My feelings are best summed up in this quote from Stacy; “I hated it, and I hate your hair.” Hopefully the next episode gives us a makeover!

THE SPOILERS:

Mini Challenge: NONE
Pit Crew: None (there should be at least 15 pit crew members in every episode)
Maxi Challenge: Little Miss Loose Jaw Pageant
Runway Theme: Pageant Perfection
Winner: Lemon
Extra Special Guest Host: Allie X
Lip Sync: Priyanka vs Ilona Verly to "Hello" by Allie X
Eliminated: Ilona Verly

Meet Ilona Verley, a 2-Spirit Indigenous Queen!