That Don't Impress Me Much: A Lesson in Encountering Beautiful People and Not Giving Them Power Over You
When Shania released her song That Don’t Impress Me Much in 1997, she wanted us to dance, to sing, and to think. Think about where we place value and who we give our energy to. Has that person earned our time or have we been distracted by a pleasing aesthetic?
First she addresses the know-it-alls. The guys who show up in your Twitter mentions like “well, actually…”. While most of us are pretty quick to agree that having a car and being hot are not all that impressive, we might argue that being a rocket scientist is. However, if they’re unable to hold a conversation without making you feel small or inadequate, their book smarts can’t make up for their lack of social smarts. If they’re explaining things in a way you don’t understand and act exasperated each time you have another question, pull up your boots and start walking. There has to be a decent person in this godforsaken desert that can explain to you how rockets work and not be a dick about it.
Next, she comes for the good-looking people. As evidenced by her first husband, looks are not at the top of Shania’s list. Mutt Lange may have been a lying cheater but when things were good, he kept her warm at night. Once in a while, you’ll encounter an extraordinarily beautiful person. They may be lovely or they may expect preferential treatment. When faced with the latter, you must be strong. Go against your instincts to cater to this gorgeous monster and tell them no. When they ask for guac to be added to their burrito bowl after they’ve paid, you add that scoop of guac and you say “that’ll be $1.19 please.” It’ll be difficult but they need to learn.
Lastly she brings into question the idea that we’re supposed to care about what kind of car someone drives. If you pick me up in a rusty Sunfire you’ve had since high school, I will just be excited that I don’t have to hop on the bus. However if you ask me to take off my shoes before I get in said Sunfire, I will make like an average American family on a network sitcom and not remove my footwear. For anything. The day you treat your car with more respect than me, will be the last day you have the privilege of driving me to IKEA. Like Shania walking aimlessly through the desert, I will carry that mattress onto the subway and I will roll it down the street to my apartment. The first step towards not giving anyone power over you is being stubbornly independent. Even when you should absolutely ask for help/just pay for delivery.
In closing, I just want to inform you that Shania recently clarified that she only name dropped Brad Pitt because she was not impressed by his nudes. She said this as if it was supposed to make him feel better. Long live the queen.
